Help, I’m A Control Freak!

Dear Michelle,
My husband and even my dear friends refer to me as a control freak! I own and operate a catering business, and yes I’ll admit I have a tendency to micro-manage (one time I almost divorced my husband and now ex-chef just because I thought his cilantro pesto was too salty!) How do I break away from my compulsion to control everything while maintaining top notch food service and quality for my clients? – Control Freak in Harrisonburg, VA.

Dear Control Freak,
You have taken the first big step with any personal challenge and that is, “owning it”. In order to improve a behavioral pattern we have to first be aware of it, the second step is to make a plan of action. Most of our problems do not stem from what we do not know, they manifest from doing nothing. Below are some suggestions that should help:

1. Open your mind to other people’s opinions and ideas – your way is not the only way.
2. Wait, breathe, and think before you respond – this gives you a window of opportunity to mitigate a situation without regrets.
3. Practice self-observation and keep a journal – this helps you to “see” yourself from an outsider’s perspective so you can correct mistakes.
4. Set one goal at a time for yourself – changing a long-time behavioral pattern takes time, so be patient and try not to get overwhelmed.
5. Set up accountability partners – confide in 1 to 3 trusted people about your new goals and give them permission to hold you accountable to the behavior changes you have set for yourself.

Changing anything takes time, but staying focused, developing a plan, and surrounding yourself with accountability partners will keep you on track. Following these steps will relieve stress on yourself and your business colleagues, plus give you more fulfillment in your life. Now how do I get a hold of some of the cilantro pesto?

TIP:
Have you missed previous articles from Coach Michelle? Go to forwardvirginia.com/coachmichelle to catch them all. Or visitmsbcoach.com, or call 434-293-5758 to reignite your business passion.

KEEP IT REAL

Good Morning Friends! It has been a crazy busy last two weeks between work, our daughter’s graduation, our son coming home from college and family coming in for the events from CA. I the midst of all this business I was feeling very stressed this morning thinking about how “unproductive” I was being with work. That is when I had this check about what is being productive? I am working with several leaders and groups right now on authentic leadership – which also keeps me in check. Yes, I indeed have to a responsibility to my clients and have to be productive; however, I also have a responsibility to my family. Thank you to my clients! Working with you keeps me focused on my values as well. If I say in my list of values and priorities family in number one then my actions both internally and externally need to line up… This is the perfect example of how authentic leadership is an ongoing journey not something we arrive at and are done! Make it a successful day and be authentic!

What Color is Character?

Character Vs Ability

 

This blog in no way is intended to be political in nature or reflect on any one person in leadership.  I am just putting some thoughts out there in the world I have been pondering regarding the importance of character/integrity vs. ability.

 

If asked which is more important I would have always said… character and integrity any day.  However, recently I found myself pondering this.  I have been reading “The 8^th Habit” by Stephen Covey and he addresses this issue.  In one of the chapters he posed the question “who would you rather have working on you…. a mediocre surgeon who has character and is honest or the best surgeon who has poor character and is dishonest.”  Wow I had to think about this… which led me to think about a lot of things….

 

We like to think things are black and white and there definitely things that are.  Unfortunately the more you mull over a thought, the older you get and the more people you meet – you realize there is so much grey.  This frustrates me… I like the black and white.  It seems to make decisions easier.

 

Last night when our former President Bush gave his welcome speech in TX he said, “Popularity is fleeting, but character and integrity are our oaks….”  So I started thinking about this regarding our country.  Would I rather have a leader who can make me successful or one that has integrity… why can’t we have both?  I think we can and I think this what we are finally hungry for in America…. enough with the empty promises.  I think when it is all said and done I would still rather have character, honor and truthfulness.  What about you, I would love to hear your thoughts on my quandary….

Tough Decisions

What’s For Dinner?

Michelle Black/Braden

Life/Business Coach, wife and mother of two teenagers

www.msbcoach.com

 

The dilemma of what to have for dinner….  Am I the only one that get’s stressed when it comes to making the weekly dinner menu?  Why, as the mom, is it our responsibility to be continuously creative with this daunting task?  I know those of you who love to cook, (or you few men who do the cooking in your home) feel as though I am being sacrilegious here; however, I know I can’t be the only mom who finds this a chore.  Cooking dinner is not as bad as creating the menu…. I am always stuck once I write down, tacos, spaghetti and…. Well I have a tendency to get lost after that.

 

Pondering this predicament, I created a clever way to get myself out of this responsibility, or at least lessen it.  It also indirectly created family time, taught my children responsibility and life skills.  And to think, I was only looking for a little help.  If your children are infants, this won’t work, but if they are old enough to tell you what they like to eat, they can participate (it does get easier and more fun as they get older). 

 

I first printed a large calendar for the current month; then I called a family meeting.  I have two kids (13 & 15 at the time).   Each had to choose two nights they would be responsible for cooking dinner.  According to the nights they chose, they had to completely prepare the meal and the other family members were responsible for clean up.  This worked great, and better received than I had imagined. 

 

I now had two kids cooking four of the seven meals a week, what more could a mom ask?   And if you have a husband or more kids to throw in the mix you may get out of cooking/menu making all together!  The key to success is having each person write on the calendar the meal plan for their nights, make a grocery list of what is needed at the store, and wala…. You have creative help with dinner.

 

I must be honest there are a few pitfalls to this plan.  The first being (as with anything that is done for the first, oh say million times) it takes practice to be a good cook, so you have to be willing to eat dinners that may not be the best.  The other is holding each person responsible to make their grocery list, cook their meals, and be home in time to do so. 

 

So give it a try, its fun, promotes family dinners together, life skills of:   making a menu, creating a shopping list, food preparation, clean up, and cooking…. One of the skills my kids have out done me in, but that’s ok because no one has me beat me on tacos or spaghetti making!