Help, I’m A Control Freak!

Dear Michelle,
My husband and even my dear friends refer to me as a control freak! I own and operate a catering business, and yes I’ll admit I have a tendency to micro-manage (one time I almost divorced my husband and now ex-chef just because I thought his cilantro pesto was too salty!) How do I break away from my compulsion to control everything while maintaining top notch food service and quality for my clients? – Control Freak in Harrisonburg, VA.

Dear Control Freak,
You have taken the first big step with any personal challenge and that is, “owning it”. In order to improve a behavioral pattern we have to first be aware of it, the second step is to make a plan of action. Most of our problems do not stem from what we do not know, they manifest from doing nothing. Below are some suggestions that should help:

1. Open your mind to other people’s opinions and ideas – your way is not the only way.
2. Wait, breathe, and think before you respond – this gives you a window of opportunity to mitigate a situation without regrets.
3. Practice self-observation and keep a journal – this helps you to “see” yourself from an outsider’s perspective so you can correct mistakes.
4. Set one goal at a time for yourself – changing a long-time behavioral pattern takes time, so be patient and try not to get overwhelmed.
5. Set up accountability partners – confide in 1 to 3 trusted people about your new goals and give them permission to hold you accountable to the behavior changes you have set for yourself.

Changing anything takes time, but staying focused, developing a plan, and surrounding yourself with accountability partners will keep you on track. Following these steps will relieve stress on yourself and your business colleagues, plus give you more fulfillment in your life. Now how do I get a hold of some of the cilantro pesto?

TIP:
Have you missed previous articles from Coach Michelle? Go to forwardvirginia.com/coachmichelle to catch them all. Or visitmsbcoach.com, or call 434-293-5758 to reignite your business passion.

What the heck is “holistic leadership”?

What do you think of when you hear the word “holistic”? I would dare say you think of something in it’s entirety, and that is correct. Something that is whole is complete. A holistic leadership leader understands their entire being. They recognize they are not defined by what they do, but who they are. Holistic leadership is also organizational; however, we are going to look at it from a personal leadership standpoint.

For an individual to be whole and complete is a challenge because no matter how hard we try to maintain balance, life is always changing. Life brings unexpected complications and opportunities. As a leader we want to become aware of how we best maintain balance and live an integrated life. A holistic leader is self-aware and understands their values and what drives them. A holistic leader knows there is harmony to maintain between both the mind and body as well as relationships, finances, community and spiritual being.

As a leader people are looking to you to maintain symmetry. They do not expect you to be perfect, but they do need their leader to know who they are and live a life that sets an example holistically: body (taking care of your physical body -eating healthy, exercise, and rest), soul (mind, will and emotions) and spirit.

Here are a few things you can do to lead holistically:

1. Know who you are and were you come from

2. Know what your values are and how they tie into your life story – this will help you prioritize

3. Know what motivates you both intrinsically and extrinsically

4. Know how to take care of yourself emotionally , mentally and physically and the importance of valuing and prioritizing these components

5. Be aware of relationships and the value they play in who you are

6. Identify what is important to you spiritually and be true to that

7. Practice financial awareness and balance this with your extrinsic motivations

8. Build a support and accountability group to help you practice being holistic and authentic.

KEEP IT REAL

Good Morning Friends! It has been a crazy busy last two weeks between work, our daughter’s graduation, our son coming home from college and family coming in for the events from CA. I the midst of all this business I was feeling very stressed this morning thinking about how “unproductive” I was being with work. That is when I had this check about what is being productive? I am working with several leaders and groups right now on authentic leadership – which also keeps me in check. Yes, I indeed have to a responsibility to my clients and have to be productive; however, I also have a responsibility to my family. Thank you to my clients! Working with you keeps me focused on my values as well. If I say in my list of values and priorities family in number one then my actions both internally and externally need to line up… This is the perfect example of how authentic leadership is an ongoing journey not something we arrive at and are done! Make it a successful day and be authentic!

Does What I Do Make Me Who I Am?

Does What I Do Make Me Who I am?

Michelle Braden

Here in America we define ourselves and those around us by what we do. Think about the first question we ask after introducing yourselves…. “So where do you work?” and “what do you do there?” In part, this is good small talk. We naturally ask these questions in succession. The other part has to do with sizing people up. We determine before we even get to know someone whether we think they are successful or not based on how they answer these questions. Is it any wonder why we personally define ourselves on this same measurement? This type of stereotyping begs the question many are now facing, what happens when what we “do” is done away with? What happens when companies go bankrupt, jobs are outsourced, people are downsized or laid off? How then will we define ourselves, our friends, colleagues or family members? Although what we do is obviously important we have to learn a better self-awareness of who we are being. Who we are “being” is who we are, our character, values, beliefs and passions. It is not determined by titles, salary or prestige. To discover who we really are beyond the titles we hold is a challenge. Think for a minute about who you are…. If I asked you to describe yourself could you do so without talking about what you do? The goal is that who we are being works collaboratively with what we do but it does not define us. I recently asked a client of mine while working through the “being” vs. “doing” question, “how would you respond if you lost your job for one reason or another and the only thing you could find was working at a fast food restaurant wiping down tables?” His answer was the best I have ever gotten. He said, “well I guess I would have to work hard and rise to the top in that industry!” Now that is knowing who you are being no matter what you are doing! I want to encourage you whether you are in the most secure position you have ever been in or if you are having to re-define yourself due to job loss – search yourself to know who you are being in this world. Here are some suggestions as you go through this process: Be insightfully straight with yourself. What transformations do you want? What are your personal values, passions, beliefs? Write a paper about who you are. Write a paper about who you want to be. Be in your possibilities. Dream! This can be an eye opening experience if you allow it to be. We would love to hear your feedback on this exercise and if it was beneficial…. As always if you are interested in further assistance or coaching don’t hesitate to give us a call at 804-502-4319/434-293-5758 or info@msbcoach.com.

What Color is Character?

Character Vs Ability

 

This blog in no way is intended to be political in nature or reflect on any one person in leadership.  I am just putting some thoughts out there in the world I have been pondering regarding the importance of character/integrity vs. ability.

 

If asked which is more important I would have always said… character and integrity any day.  However, recently I found myself pondering this.  I have been reading “The 8^th Habit” by Stephen Covey and he addresses this issue.  In one of the chapters he posed the question “who would you rather have working on you…. a mediocre surgeon who has character and is honest or the best surgeon who has poor character and is dishonest.”  Wow I had to think about this… which led me to think about a lot of things….

 

We like to think things are black and white and there definitely things that are.  Unfortunately the more you mull over a thought, the older you get and the more people you meet – you realize there is so much grey.  This frustrates me… I like the black and white.  It seems to make decisions easier.

 

Last night when our former President Bush gave his welcome speech in TX he said, “Popularity is fleeting, but character and integrity are our oaks….”  So I started thinking about this regarding our country.  Would I rather have a leader who can make me successful or one that has integrity… why can’t we have both?  I think we can and I think this what we are finally hungry for in America…. enough with the empty promises.  I think when it is all said and done I would still rather have character, honor and truthfulness.  What about you, I would love to hear your thoughts on my quandary….

Character Vs Ability

Character Vs Ability

 

This blog in no way is intended to be political in nature or reflect on any one person in leadership.  I am just putting some thoughts out there in the world I have been pondering regarding the importance of character/integrity vs. ability.

 

If asked which is more important I would have always said… character and integrity any day.  However, recently I found myself pondering this.  I have been reading “The 8^th Habit” by Stephen Covey and he addresses this issue.  In one of the chapters he posed the question “who would you rather have working on you…. a mediocre surgeon who has character and is honest or the best surgeon who has poor character and is dishonest.”  Wow I had to think about this… which led me to think about a lot of things….

 

We like to think things are black and white and there definitely things that are.  Unfortunately the more you mull over a thought, the older you get and the more people you meet – you realize there is so much gray.  This frustrates me… I like the black and white.  It seems to make decisions easier.

 

Last night when our former President Bush gave his welcome speech in TX he said, “Popularity is fleeting, but character and integrity are our oaks….”  So I started thinking about this regarding our country.  Would I rather have a leader who can make me successful or one that has integrity… why can’t we have both?  I think we can and I think this what we are finally hungry for in America…. enough with the empty promises.  I think when it is all said and done I would still rather have character, honor and truthfulness.  What about you, I would love to hear your thoughts on my quandary….